It takes courage to honour yourself first

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. Brene Brown

There is something incredibly expansive that follows making a decision to end something.

You feel a flutter in your chest over your heartspace and in your gut.
A knowing in your heart it was the right thing simultaneous with a fear in your abdomen of, what now?

Over the years I’ve let go of serious relationships, businesses, friendships, jobs and with them identities.

Each time it has come with a struggle, a knowing deep down it was meant to be but just not being ready, too afraid of letting go, saying goodbye and walking into the unknown.

Every time I’ve made that final choice to end and move on magic is created in the space that remains.
A new opportunity I would never have noticed or considered before has come my way. Richer friendships or relationships have begun that would have been missed.

I watched the Brené Brown talk on Netflix yesterday, and found myself with tears throughout. Because I’ve dared greatly at times when it would have been easier to stay where I was.

I believe it takes courage to honour yourself first, to wear the consequence of your choice – both good and not so good.

What I have always known to be true is you have one life, and if you are drowning and miserable, and you’ve given it all of you’ve got with no improvement, it could be time to walk away.

Life is too precious and fleeting to feel that way, even at the expense sometimes of hurting someone else.

In the midst of the turmoil before the end I ask myself, when I’m 80 how will I view this situation? And with my answer I’m guided.

Dare greatly friends, jump if you must. Trust that your leap of faith will be supported. Initially it may hurt. But the beauty that will unfold for you in time will be more than worth it.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

When you have a goal in mind, when you want more for yourself, you make the decision to create change. There will always be a voice that tries to stop you.

It might say,

What will people say?

What will people think?

No one will support me.

My friends/family will think I’m an idiot.

I haven’t got time.

I don’t know where to start.

I feel uncomfortable.

A lot of things will come up that will try to stop you changing.

You might decide to go along and start anyway.

You gain momentum, make a decision and go for it.

And something doesn’t go to plan.

You get sick.

Your kids get sick.

Your day job gets busy.

You didn’t sleep well last night.

You have a wedding/party/event to go to.

Your routine, momentum slows down or halts.

Then you’re stuck.

The voice starts again.

You’re a failure.

You said you would do that and you didn’t.

Everyone else is now further ahead of me.

If I start now they’ll know I didn’t show up and think I’m a failure.

I can’t do this.

I’m scared.

I’m embarrassed. I don’t deserve a new life. I don’t deserve success.

My mother always told me…,

Blah blah blah

And then it’s a year later.

Two years later. Five.

And you are still in the same place.

But you’re feeling worse because you started something, it didn’t work out so now you’re really stuck and afraid.

It doesn’t have to be like that.

The way to start again is just decide you want it.

Recognise the fear, the voice telling you not to for what it is – a bully.

A bully who is scared to let you shine. Who is jealous of your light.

Make small changes.

Get out of bed a little earlier.

Have one less coffee.

Make one phone call.

Spend 30 minutes planning the assignment, and do one thing of action.

Be more present today.

Recognise the negative thought and flip it to a positive one.

What would your best friend say?

Be your best friend.

Be your own cheering squad.

Light your path and each day take a step further.

There will be days you take a few steps back. That’s ok.

As long as the next day you pick yourself up and continue to move forward.

You can do this.

If you feel like you would like assistance to move past the place you are currently stuck at, please consider life coaching.

I have 1:1 coaching packages with two options. A 1 session mentor session, and a 3 month coaching package (currently on sale for 30% off). Contact me for more details.

Do you journal?

When I was young I had a diary. Each entry always started with “Dear Diary…”

You know it wasn’t until recently this memory from my childhood resurfaced and as I thought more about it I realised the power that diary had.

As an adult I journal, not every day, sometimes not for weeks. But when I’m out of sorts, lost, losing touch with myself and my path the first thing I do is grab out my journal.

By the time I’m finished writing I’m clearer and lighter.

It’s the first tool I recommend to all my coaching clients.

The power of a diary or journal is to allow us space.
Space from our thoughts.
A safe space that no other person needs to be privy to.
Space in our minds and hearts created by getting the words that are circling around causing anxiety to be released.

Truly so powerful. And so when I think back to when I was 8 when I was gifted my first diary (with a key and all!) and the ritual I had of writing in it and those that followed over my teen years and beyond, I am grateful.

Grateful I had that space, that tool to fall on, without even knowing I was being guided back to me.

Trusting myself to sort out my own thoughts and feelings. The power of that, right?

We are our own best support system.
We must trust that, and allow the space for our own intuition and guidance to be heard.

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Leaving it until the last minute

On Friday night I was up until 2am finishing an assignment for uni that was due at midnight.

I was frantically trying to get it done all the while kicking myself for not starting it until Wednesday. 

What’s worse was it was a journal assignment. All I’d had to do was write 350 words on a set reading each week. 

But I didn’t do the readings. 

View More: http://inkandivory.pass.us/casandrasmithI had ‘many other’ things to do that albeit were necessary and important, and they were also far more creative and enjoyable than reading a 20-40+ page academic article and then critically evaluating it.

So there I am internalising my self-hate at my lack of organisation, motivation and mountain of procrastination that got me in that position on a Friday night, and I have all these beautiful comments going through my head from people saying to me,

“you are amazing, you are doing so much, you are so inspiring”
and I’m feeling like a fraud. 

In these moments of praise I even find myself saying to people

“I’ve got a lot of commitments but I’m not really doing any of it well”. 

You see what I’ve realised is this situation is like trying to get my son to eat veges.

  • He likes to eat the meat, or the thing he likes on the plate first.
  • Then he’s left with the cold, unappetising veges.
  • No matter how many years I’ve asked him to eat the veges first, they are so much nicer warm… he refuses and dinner ends in tears – both of us in tears! 

What I recognised is this is Me!! I’d decided that assignments were hard and boring, and sometimes they are, so I set myself up to avoid them to only feel the pain later. Stubborn much?!

I teach people to take baby steps toward change. Keep your WHY in front of you to help motivate you, and with every other thing I do I’ve done this, but with uni I hadn’t.

When you know your WHY- your reason for why you’re doing something – your light at the end of the tunnel, you are far more motivated to dig in the trenches to get there.

The basis of my WHY for completing my degree is I want to help people to free themselves from their limitations to create a life of freedom– it’s the same for all I’m doing- life coaching, essential oils and business mentoring. With uni it’s about having more developed skills and training to assist on a deeper level and the recognition of having that training.

Not all the actions that are required of you to realise your dream are fun, or creative, or exciting; some of it is boring or challenging, but all the pieces are equally important and have valuable lessons to give you along the way. 

My next assignment is due in a few weeks. My plan of action is to do an hour a day on it everyday to get it finished, on time or before. 

My short-term reward is uni holidays start beginning of November for four months… I’ll have all the time to do the fun stuff then! 

Is there something you’ve been putting off starting for all your own reasons?

Don’t want to, it’ll be hard, got other things to do?

Maybe reading this will help you know you aren’t alone, and give you a little push to take action- remember any action is a step forward and closer to your goal.

Much love,

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You don't have to see the whole staircase.Just take the first step.